Assumptions - From Tangle to Tango

I had a conversation with a new friend a few nights ago. In the middle he teased that it seemed I didn't watch much news on TV given how little I was seeming to know of what was going on in the greater L.A. area that day. Internally, I jumped to thinking "Wow! he's thinking I'm not up on stuff, I'm not intelligent, savvy or smart enough cuz I'm not up on what's happening around me!!"
Big jump to make, eh?!

But that's where my mind went in a flash. To my credit I did have the wherewithal to observe what in the heck my mind was doing, and how my emotions summarily followed my thoughts....meaning I went into defense mode. I observed that too. All of this would have been very entertaining had I just said something right then and there, but I didn't. So the negative thoughts and anxious feelings just bubbled under the surface. I took time to journal about this experience before going to bed, but I still woke up with a slight feeling of unease. What was bothering me?

I opened up a wonderful discourse by John-Roger, called Evolvement: An Action of the Heart. As I read on,  I started to see that I had tangled with some old familiar habits- Assumption and Withhold. Now this exciting duo historically have created for me numerous miscommunications and separations in my relationships, and here they were again. Reflecting on my late evening's conversation I saw that I had immediately assumed "against" myself (and judged myself) and then "withheld" my interpretation. I had judged myself "stupid" and then actually went on to do a "stupid" behavior. It's actually funny in the telling now but was rather humbling in the realization. Still, I'm ever grateful to see this pattern so early in my new-found friendship so that I can practice checking out what I hear and see and contribute to a clearer and freer communications.

One other key to self - if I catch myself making assumptions--as my facile mind is wont to do--then flip the assumption "FOR" myself, for the good. In this way any tangle can become a tango....and dancing through life is so much more fun!

Off the Bench and Onto the Playing Field- Sixty and Dating Series Part 4

Oh my, I'm into the game now, the dating game, that is. And what did it take to do that? A Clear intention --for the highest good--and follow-through! Oiy! you say! You know all about intentions...I thought I did too. In fact, almost every book I've read on relationships has "Having a clear intention to have a healthy loving (add your own qualifiers here) relationship/partner" as one, if not the first, step to do if you realllly want to be in a relationship.

After dabbling with different intentions, talking it over with friends and mentors to understand what the "clear" part of the clear intention actually meant, I finally got that being "clear" about my intention meant I had to be willing to put my body, emotions and mind on the line to get involved and participate in saying Hi!, flirting, and meeting men--just for starters. It also meant seeing the "fun" in this process and at the same time grokking that all that will take place can be for my higher learning and unfoldment. Hmm, no mean trick here, but making all this "fun" NOT serious, is the biggest key.

Also, adding the "for the highest good" part brings in the higher or spiritual caveat to my intention. How? This brings the "bigger view" into play. I may not on my own be able to see or get what is truly for my and their (the guy's) highest good/best interests on all levels. So by asking for "the highest good" I can detach from the results (which also makes it more free inside of me and way more "fun").
The follow-through is the action part- the moving forward, the doing those things that keep me on the playing field, starting with just saying Hi and smiling to a hunk that I might normally look away from.

It ain't rocket science after all....who knew?!

Just like in any game it's practice,  practice, and more practice, starting with appreciation time with myself in my inner locker room or dugout. Before I go out there, I'm taking time to look in my eyes and see the me who's precious, joyful, fun, loving, sassy and full of light. I breathe that in. I take the time to love and value myself first, then it's out onto the field to engage in the learning. Now the field might be walking into Urth Caffe or going onto PlentyofFish.com (yeh, yeah, what a name, I know...and it's free!)

 I love when I make a hit, and there are times when I strike out. Ouch! And it's back to the dugout to write down what I observed. This is also super too...recording my learnings. There's a lot of fine-tuning and at-tuning to what is true and lined up for me in this game ....it's a veritable goldmine for self-revelations and conscious awareness in loving. Does it take courage to jump in? Yes! and the resulting vitality and aliveness is so worth it. AND the best part-- it's FUN!!! So the playing field is open. Batter up?!