ASKING FOR MORE DISCERNMENT

The phrase "be careful what you ask for, you just may get it and everything that goes with it." rings true these days for me.Yes, I've been impatient to have my goals actualized "right now". Still I'm seeing that often I've been graced by a higher protection that's run interference. Some things that I've begged and pleaded for just haven't shown up yet. Perhaps in a few months or years I will realize how glad I am that the outcome / thing I wanted didn't happen or come forward.
In that wonderful scene from the Indiana Jones' movie Searching for the Lost Grail...or some name like that...the guardian of the grails tells Indie to "Choose Wisely". Discernment for me means Pay Attention, look carefully. Now I love being spontaneous and whimsical and there's the rub! There's always a balance point between spontaneity and impulsiveness...somewhere in the middle is discernment. So today I ask for greater discernment and in the meantime I'm enjoying what's here right now.

Discernment vs Over-Pickiness

Recently I read a book called Marry Him: Setting for Mr. Right Enough. by Lori Gottlieb. I got several good insights as I read through the book that apply across the board towards whatever goal I'm going for.

First, whatever I've been doing has gotten me what I have so far. Therefore it's probably time to change something in my approach.

Second, though I have wants what are my needs relative towards my goal. I may want a man who's 6'1", is a banker and likes good cooking and watching sports. What I need is someone who's fun, thoughtful and reliable. So identifying the essence I'm going for is more core to achieving my goal. As I view it discernment has a lot to do with my paying attention to my needs. Over-pickiness tends to show up when I dwell in my wants/desires.

Third, hold in my mind what I want more of, not what I want less of. Identify any plusses.

Fourthly, enjoy what I'm doing right now to the fullest. Enjoy my life as it is. This is what's present, what is happening right now. When I'm enjoying myself, who I am is present and fulfilling.

Fifthly, like tends to attract like. Though I might not recognize it at first, so take a good look and work on myself first. I can change my own lack in any arena into fullness.

Why do on-line dating?

I keep asking myself this question. This process is rather humbling as I go through eHarmony and OKcupid. Still I keep coming back to the point of encouraging myself to just practice. This is lab. Be myself, send the Light out ahead, be genuine, and enjoy as much as possible meeting or at least viewing men from all over the world.
I feel for the guys I say thanks, but no thanks too. Most of them are genuinely hoping to find a woman to love and be loved by. It truly is a gift and a blessing to have someone who's there for you. Sure there are trade-offs, and yet it is precious to be able to share with someone when you get home. To have someone to cheer for and be cheered by as we walk through life.
Finally I come back to remember who is really in charge here--think upstairs, way upstairs--God or Spirit, and then I relax. So for now, I'll keep going to the lab, and enjoy what's being presented and the time I'm being given to love and enjoy my own company too.

What is fear?

I read some words this morning from my friend, J-R, on fear: "Is there a real source of fear? No. Is there a real fear? Yes. It is inside you and you are the creator of it. You give birth to your own fear. Under the fear, however, is life which allows you to create or communicate whatever you want. This is the unconditional loving of Spirit, allowing you to communicate and do whatever you choose, with your body, emotions and mind."

The whole other idea of Fantasies Expectations Appearing Real also brings it back to me. The discipline of focusing my mind on what I want more of, where I want to be going, is sometimes like trying to pull a little toddler away from electrical sockets. Those sockets are somehow fascinating to little fingers on little persons. Took me repeated times of picking up my little toddlers and putting them somewhere else to distract them from the enticing socket and STILL they would manage to find the socket until it lost its allure. I also like using the sword of the heart and truth to just cut the illusion and come back to what is true and present. Then breathe.

Having the Ears to Hear

That's my prayer for today: Lord, give me the ears to hear and the eyes to see what you have for me and my highest good today and every day.

I definitely get my "wants" going and sometimes they are far afield of my "needs." Looking back I am so very grateful that not all my wants were delivered to me, as what went with them was more than I intended for myself.

Trust is the theme for me right now.

Keep on keeping on

I received this quote today from John-Roger's Spiritual Warrior book:
"It's hard to try again when we are still worn out from our first exertions, but that is what the spiritual warrior must do.After you fall on your first a thousand times, you may be tempted to say, 'I'm not going to get up again because I'll just fall.' But you have to get up even if just to avoid having people step on you."
I was lucky today cuz an angel, in the form of a good friend, took me to coffee and reminded me to hold in my mind the pictures I want more of, not less of. Even as my friend said these words I heard him echo again yet more words from my dear friend, John-Roger, a very wise soul. Amazing what a little spot of coffee and a big dose of supportive words can do to get me back up on the horse. Tears came to my eyes as I realized God does have me in his Hand and sends me angels in all ways to keep me going til I'm done with what I need to do. I might get brought to the 99.99% of what I can handle, but if I persist and endure through the end of whatever it is, I will win. So be it.

It's OK no matter what it looks like

Do you ever get a feeling like you're out jumping waves and the waves seem to get higher and rougher?
I had that feeling this morning as waves of financial setbacks kept on coming in today. At one point I was just tempted to curl up and cry; however, notwithstanding a moment's release, I still had to deal with what was coming at me. Simply no use in wallowing. When wave jumping isn't fun any more that's a sign to get out of the ocean and just look. The trick was getting out of the ocean. Sometimes it's just too rough to do it on my own, so I sent up a flare-I used gratitude. I just started reminding myself that I was grateful that I had clothes to wear, that I could pay rent, that I had food to eat, that I could see out of my eyes and walk on my legs. Wow! right away I felt stronger, clearer. I'm still in process with finding some resolutions; however, the ground is firmer beneath me. I'm humbled where I'm needing to be humbled. That can only be good, no matter what.

The Creative Flow

What a rush! Today at 12noon I started into writing the last 35 pages of my script. I was at the point in the story when everything converges and the main characters have their final make or break times - the final resolutions and the closing of the loops. I took breaks throughout the day to air out my head and get a fresh look at how the dialogues were going. And then, almost nine hours later, I hit the wall. As exhilarating as the revealing has been all day, my mind and eyes are now starting to blur. That's my signal that it's time to rest.

I'm so grateful for the Spirit that moves and impulses this story through me. As I'm willing to explore and dig into resevoirs of feelings and expressions I didn't know I had, I am touched and graced to experience my characters, who seem to be all parts of me, unfolding. I'm learning to love and accept their many faces and ways. Who knew?!

Just Doing It

There's nothing like getting an inspiration and following through on it.
I've had this notion to get a column going in a newspaper that would show good news, but I just couldn't seem to move on the idea. Then one morning, while driving to work, I heard the proverbial little voice say "How 'bout doing a blog?" and you can call it "Angel's Angle".

I loved the idea AND it wouldn't let go. That's when I know there's something to little inspirations when they keep holding onto me until I finally surrender and take the first steps to lean into them.
So turns out setting up a blog is a piece of cake. Who knew? And isn't that like life? There have been times when I thought something was going to be hard or complicated and I wouldn't even look into it. Yet when I'm motivated and just start doing, bit by bit I learn and get it done. Very satisfying!