Assumptions - From Tangle to Tango

I had a conversation with a new friend a few nights ago. In the middle he teased that it seemed I didn't watch much news on TV given how little I was seeming to know of what was going on in the greater L.A. area that day. Internally, I jumped to thinking "Wow! he's thinking I'm not up on stuff, I'm not intelligent, savvy or smart enough cuz I'm not up on what's happening around me!!"
Big jump to make, eh?!

But that's where my mind went in a flash. To my credit I did have the wherewithal to observe what in the heck my mind was doing, and how my emotions summarily followed my thoughts....meaning I went into defense mode. I observed that too. All of this would have been very entertaining had I just said something right then and there, but I didn't. So the negative thoughts and anxious feelings just bubbled under the surface. I took time to journal about this experience before going to bed, but I still woke up with a slight feeling of unease. What was bothering me?

I opened up a wonderful discourse by John-Roger, called Evolvement: An Action of the Heart. As I read on,  I started to see that I had tangled with some old familiar habits- Assumption and Withhold. Now this exciting duo historically have created for me numerous miscommunications and separations in my relationships, and here they were again. Reflecting on my late evening's conversation I saw that I had immediately assumed "against" myself (and judged myself) and then "withheld" my interpretation. I had judged myself "stupid" and then actually went on to do a "stupid" behavior. It's actually funny in the telling now but was rather humbling in the realization. Still, I'm ever grateful to see this pattern so early in my new-found friendship so that I can practice checking out what I hear and see and contribute to a clearer and freer communications.

One other key to self - if I catch myself making assumptions--as my facile mind is wont to do--then flip the assumption "FOR" myself, for the good. In this way any tangle can become a tango....and dancing through life is so much more fun!

Off the Bench and Onto the Playing Field- Sixty and Dating Series Part 4

Oh my, I'm into the game now, the dating game, that is. And what did it take to do that? A Clear intention --for the highest good--and follow-through! Oiy! you say! You know all about intentions...I thought I did too. In fact, almost every book I've read on relationships has "Having a clear intention to have a healthy loving (add your own qualifiers here) relationship/partner" as one, if not the first, step to do if you realllly want to be in a relationship.

After dabbling with different intentions, talking it over with friends and mentors to understand what the "clear" part of the clear intention actually meant, I finally got that being "clear" about my intention meant I had to be willing to put my body, emotions and mind on the line to get involved and participate in saying Hi!, flirting, and meeting men--just for starters. It also meant seeing the "fun" in this process and at the same time grokking that all that will take place can be for my higher learning and unfoldment. Hmm, no mean trick here, but making all this "fun" NOT serious, is the biggest key.

Also, adding the "for the highest good" part brings in the higher or spiritual caveat to my intention. How? This brings the "bigger view" into play. I may not on my own be able to see or get what is truly for my and their (the guy's) highest good/best interests on all levels. So by asking for "the highest good" I can detach from the results (which also makes it more free inside of me and way more "fun").
The follow-through is the action part- the moving forward, the doing those things that keep me on the playing field, starting with just saying Hi and smiling to a hunk that I might normally look away from.

It ain't rocket science after all....who knew?!

Just like in any game it's practice,  practice, and more practice, starting with appreciation time with myself in my inner locker room or dugout. Before I go out there, I'm taking time to look in my eyes and see the me who's precious, joyful, fun, loving, sassy and full of light. I breathe that in. I take the time to love and value myself first, then it's out onto the field to engage in the learning. Now the field might be walking into Urth Caffe or going onto PlentyofFish.com (yeh, yeah, what a name, I know...and it's free!)

 I love when I make a hit, and there are times when I strike out. Ouch! And it's back to the dugout to write down what I observed. This is also super too...recording my learnings. There's a lot of fine-tuning and at-tuning to what is true and lined up for me in this game ....it's a veritable goldmine for self-revelations and conscious awareness in loving. Does it take courage to jump in? Yes! and the resulting vitality and aliveness is so worth it. AND the best part-- it's FUN!!! So the playing field is open. Batter up?!

Being Alone with the Lonely One - Sixty and Dating, Part 3

This is a great quote that a kind friend passed onto me today from Oscar Ichazo - "Enlightenment is being alone with the lonely one." As I contemplated this wisdom, some other words "Loving your enemy inside - Can you face an enemy and say 'I love you?'" from John-Roger's book, Spiritual Warrior came to mind.
And POP! the virtual lightbulb went on!

In my choosing to date and open up myself to a deeper and more conscious, loving, fulfilling partnership, a maturing up seems to be happening too. Just the simple act of filling out several of these on-line dating profiles and responding to questions from internet prospects is having me repeatedly asking myself "Who am I?" "What do I really want in a relationship?" "Am I worthy and lovable enough to have a relationship?" "WHY?"
Great questions!
I decided to look and see. Takes a lot of courage to do a personal inventory-major kudos to all those in any "12 step program." I'm finding old fears, conditionings and negative beliefs, some conscious and some unconscious, are percolating up from under who knows what rugs, drapes and lids that have held them in place. Aspects of myself that I had disowned, denied, judged or just plain disliked and had made them enemies are coming forward for me to embrace as part of accepting and sharing myself as I am. "A house divided cannot stand" is true. The embracing brings a unique gift too. As John-Roger eloquently puts it: "Once you truly embrace the dark side, it turns to help you....all the power that was blocking you before now become the power of ascension, of upliftment...you don't have stubbornness, you have determination."

So I spent time today with that one that feared to be lonely. I cuddled her. We were alone and all-one together. And do you know what I found? Tranquility, peace, beauty and lightness. So gird your loins or whatever else you want to gird and have fun excavating and embracing...it's all good news!

"The Perfect Game" IS PERFECTLY WONDER-FULL

I saw a perfectly good movie last night called "The Perfect Game."

It's based on a true story that took place in 1957: Some poor young boys from Monterrey, Mexico, achieve their against-all-odds dream to create a championship baseball team. They go to the United States and win in the biggest of all games. On the way they and their loved ones triumphed over many challenges including prejudice, poverty, broken hearts, and despair.

Sure this may sound like another "Miracles" or "Remember the Titans". It's already been likened to The Blind Side. This movie unabashedly brings heart right out there. Now I'll admit I am a sucker for miracles, grace and the "build it and he will come" kind of magic stories, and this is one of those...AND it's true.

Perhaps the most touching moment of last night was after the movie ended. As I walked out of the theatre  there was one of the film's producers talking to an Hispanic woman and her family who had just seen the film. She had tears in her eyes recalling that she had been a young girl in Tijuana when she and her family heard of this team. They followed and celebrated the team every step of the way. This Monterrey team's story had lifted and inspired her and her loved ones for years.

These days we can all use more lifting and inspiration and yes, some miracles. So grab hold of your innocence, maybe some popcorn, some friends or family, and go out for this grand ol' ball game. it's a treat! Spread the word!

Who Are You Looking For? Part 2 in Sixty and Dating Series

What do you want in a relationship partner? was the question I was asked today by an eHarmony match. Great question and one I've been pondering and journaling about for months now. I put away my long, long list and started to focus on the essentials.
Then I responded:
" Definitely a friend first, someone to share laughs with, who knows that we're partners in wonderful ways that keep unfolding and that I'm there for him and he for me. Someone who enjoys getting to know me and is warmed and excited by my touch as I am by his. Someone who lights up inside when I'm around. Someone who is true to himself and is a good man, not talking perfection here. He has the courage and caring to share what is on his mind and in his heart, and he knows I may not always understand or agree, but I'll accept that's what is true for him right then. Also someone I can speak honestly with, and grow with as I bet he will be a good mirror for me. A sense of humor about learning and growing in relationship is important. We may have some different interests and I'd love for him to pursue his as he wants. Be responsible for taking good care of himself physically, financially, spiritually and I'd support him the best I could to do that."

I'm going to keep this as reference point as I continue on. So what are you looking for in your relationship partner?

60 and Dating - new series

I'm sixty and dating! Who knew?!  I never imagined that I'd be starting a whole new life again. It's true and I am.  I've decided to chronicle and be open about the ups, downs, and curves of entering and participating in the dating realm as a sixty year old.

Some tips I've discovered so far:

First, dating is not for the faint of heart I'm discovering. Though I've got 40 more years of experience (and we're talking some "very" interesting experiences)since I last "dated", I feel like a rookie again. The field is much bigger than I expected...everyone from 20 somethings to 80 somethings can be in this game. And the field can be world-wide given the internet ...so as one fun okcupid.com friend told me...."have patience and take your time."

Second, on-going support on this journey is important. Pick a few friends of all ages that can be cheer-leaders, sounding boards, or just plain safe harbors to return to after venturing into the dating waters. Some of my 30 something friends have given me the best feedback and course correction.

Third, it's a constant learning. If you're not open to growing and learning about yourself and others, don't go there. However, if you're courageous and like being vital, there is also fun and delight awaiting.

Fourth, and maybe the most important, always remember that you are lovable and worthwhile, every step of this journey. Each day, do what you need to do to connect with that knowing and appreciation of who you are either through meditation, talking to yourself in the mirror, prayer, inspirational reading. Doing acts of simple unconditional service or giving can also bring you back to that essential part of you if you start getting caught up and lost in "out there", otherwise known as rejection, disappointment, hurt.

My ultimate goal is to be in a long-term loving relationship with a fun, thoughtful, reliable, good man who loves me and I love him-for the highest good.

In upcoming blogs I'll be sharing about helpful books, on-line dating discoveries, and other tips for making ourselves more comfortable and joyful daters and ultimately happy and fulfilled partners.
Stay tuned.

Clashing with Clash of the Titans

OK, as kitschy as it is and was, I loved the original Clash of the Titans movie. Yes, with all the skeletons, the little mechanical owl and early super early days of effects. Somehow in all of it there was heart and some magic.

I went to the 3D version, the new and supposedly improved version to see what I could see. In the midst of wonderful visual effects I was disappointed. Now in truth everytime Lian Niesson showed up I loved it-he plays Zeus-but that wasn't all that much. The mystery that somehow even in kitsch was captured in the original just didn't seem to transfer to this version. Just like I was captivated by CP30 and R2D2 and Obi Wan Kenobi in the very first (#4,5,6), I was captivated by the heart and well-produced relationships in the original Clash of the Titans. 3D and amazing visual effects don't take the place of heart that comes across in dialogue and chemistry with the actors.

So this may be unpopular by I vote to bring back the original, for at least a visit.